Joke a day keeps boredom away !!!

2004-02-29T05:41:00.000-08:00

U And I (Sardar contd...)

One day a dog was running behind a sardar...
But the SARDAR was laughing..

One man asked why u r so happy?
He said...
" Ah Ah Ah....Mere paas Airtel mobile hai...
But Still Hutch network is following me.."

2004-02-29T05:35:00.000-08:00

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

2004-02-29T05:30:00.000-08:00

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

-- Joey Adams

2004-02-29T05:24:00.000-08:00

Sardar(d) Unlimited

Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Good... Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Bad.... Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don't Take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me
Interviewer : ....!!!!!!!

2003-08-30T06:14:00.000-07:00

WIFE : " I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in ur hands all day."
HUSBAND : " I too wish that u were a newspaper, so I could have a new one everyday."

2003-07-27T01:32:00.000-07:00

funny Excuse

Pupil (on phone):- My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.

School Secretary: Who is this?

Pupil:- This is my father speaking ;-)

2003-06-08T04:20:00.000-07:00

D for Dubbing

Que : While translating to Hindi how would you fill in the blanks of some South indian song if you don't know the exact meaning?

Ans : Just repeate the same words again and again till the lips does not move into synch on screen. For e.g. "Gopala Gopala", All RHTDM songs 'Jara Jara', 'rehna hain tere dil me, tere dil me rehna hain', 'Sach kah raha hain Diwana, diwana, dil na ... lagana, lagana... jhute hain pyar ke waade, waade...'

Life time achievement Grammy award for best dubbed song goes to "Chuna bhatti, Zopad patti, Ragadam patti:" (best rap category) and co shared by "telephone dhun me hasane wali..." (technical category)

2003-05-10T23:16:00.000-07:00

Malo Girl, Bueno Boy contd...

Girl : Grrrr... "You are Impossible..."
Boy: "Thanks, could you just spell it for me"
Girl : I m possible....
Boy : "I knew it"...

2003-05-10T02:26:00.000-07:00

Malo Girl, Bueno Boy contd...

Girl: "To hell with you !"
Boy: "Oh, how nice of you ! at last you agreed to go out with me atleast somewhere..."
Girl: "No :-0, I mean not even to hell with you!"
Boy: "OK, if you insist on going alone! lemme see you off till there atleast!"

2003-05-03T06:56:00.000-07:00

Bueno Boy, Malo Girl...
Boy : "Baby..."
baby : "Boy..."
Boy : "Baby..."
baby : "bol Boy bol, kya bolta tu?"
boy : "what do I say..."
baby : "those three words..."
boy : "Oh thats it..."
"Go to Hell"

2003-05-01T05:28:00.000-07:00

I love (South) India...

Of late I have joined the already elongating brigade of those loving South Indian movies...
And this is for more than a reason...

Its deep penetration...
From the icy peaks of Kashmir (Roja) to the very own backwaters of Kerala (Dil Se) I can hear AR Rehmaan all over places
And its no reason that Music has no language... Even if it had, I am sure it wud have been Some south indian one.
(Ask anyone who has ever watched "Spirit of... for national Integration" during those bad old days of DD, the God of music must definitely be wearing a white dhoti...)

Hot is hit...
Not those hip shaker songs (some muchchad clad in Lungi dancing with lady Undertaker in rain) we mistakenly come across on TV, but south Indian films derives their heat from native spices that are in abundant down there.

They are from khate pite ghar se...
Watch the bulge and bulk on their hero and heroines and I feel ashamed of our Bollywood's starving folks...
Look how Karisma and Shilpa N all are trying to compete Miss Calista FlockHart.
Now you won't wonder why Miss Raani Mukherjee takes a cue from Mr. Mike Tyson Himself to bite her co-stars' ears. Come on haven't you watched her doing "jaadu Hain, tera hi...." (Ghulam) and in latest promos of Chori Chori (or is it Chalte Chalte...)with Shahrukh; that brings to my notice why she has this candid liking for Khans kaan (Aamir and Shahrukh)?

2003-04-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

"You know, what is the most special day of February?"
"Yeah, 14th", I guessed if not any else....
"N what so special abt this day?", mischief in her voice, hoping to begin the conversation with a cupidean intention...
"Oh yeah, I know saint Valentine was massacred on that day..."
"Wow, How romantic?", Grrrrrrr

2003-04-27T00:17:00.000-07:00

Filmi Funda #1
"S" For suspense (Sandi's style)...
Dhyaan tya daan.... (this is background music)

Ask Ekta Kapoor How wud u make a movie suspense?Ans : So simple, just change the title from "Kya mujhse pyar karoge?" to "Kuchch to Hain..."

Ask Shaad Ali (Saathiya...) How wud u make a romantic movie a suspense one or vice versa (depends on how public takes it only after actually seeing it: was Saathiya a romantic or suspense BTW)?
Ans:: Just shoot any damn movie, edit with south indian sequences, songs etc etc, then just show the second half after intermission first and then the first half as flash back in between.

Ask RamGopal How wud u make a suspense movie (without Urmila) ?
Ans :: "Kaun" main? yeah, just just shoot any damn movie, but do not edit (to bring the reality touch to it; so may get atleast some critic's award). Then, just take care not to assemble the different shots in sequence ; so the movie looks like 'shot 5, take one', then 'shot 7 take 2' then put the Title somewhere after half hour, again 'shot 3, retake 21' and so on... ( buy some random number generator from Holywood for this...)
without Urmila? ;just impossible...

Next Filmi Funda "P" for Punga...

:-)

2003-04-25T23:03:00.000-07:00

Curtain Raiser:
This transpired to me, as a way to pay my gratitude and tribute to the only living and laughing Legend in the world (and I think that this world is nothing but Circus and we are all just jokers, some are ring masters some are chimpanzeeing around on the trees etc. etc. does this like some Shakespearrean theory), and the legend is noneotherthan HRH Mr. Cyrus Bakra (I mean Broacha). He has reached that Zenith of PJying that any other punter on this front would just dream of doing.